omigod! i have to confess before i go to bed or the mind monsters will show up in the middle of the night again. my best friend, patsy, came over to my house tonight, uninvited. unbeknownst to me, she ordered a deep dish pepperoni/ cheese/green pepper/olive pizza.
when it arrived she ripped the top off the box, sat on my chest and stuffed it down my throat, one greasy piece after another. i cried, i screamed, i begged, but did she give me any mercy? no!
as if that wasn't bad enough, she then stuck a long neck in my mouth and poured the contents down my throat. i can still feel the searing pain as the amber liquid found safe passage down my sizzling esophagus . pizza and beer! how disgusting!
just when i thought it couldn't get any worse, she slathered a cinnamon stick with sugary icing, and started squealing like a hyena as she chased me around the room until i collapsed, and when i was at my weakest point she taunted me with some crazy poem that went something like this.
yum, yum. lick your lips.
it's already on your thighs and hips.
then finally, putting me out of my misery, she jammed the sugary confection into my mouth, and held my jaws closed until i swallowed. it was a nightmare. as i sit here remembering it now, i quiver with humiliation.
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